


What Really Happened

by vict_xria



Series: What Really Happened [1]
Category: Connor Franta - Fandom, Troyler - Fandom, tronnor - Fandom, troye sivan - Fandom, tyler oakley - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Youtuber - Freeform, blue neighbourhood - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:09:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7895647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vict_xria/pseuds/vict_xria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever met someone, only to one day realize you're best friends? You don't even remember how it happened, but somewhere along the way of laughing, having deep conversations, and making inside jokes, you become best friends.<br/>That's what happened with the other YouTubers and me, except it was the opposite: one second -- we're best friends, the next -- we're strangers.<br/>My name is Troye Sivan, and this is the truth. The full truth. Not just some fan theories that seem like they could be true. This is the straight truth from the source. I'm sorry in advance to anyone who will stop reading this because you come to hate me so much. I understand. I hate me, too.<br/>But this needs to be said. <br/>So, without further ado, I present to you: what really happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Let me just start off by stating I  _ never _ meant for any of this to happen. I honestly don't even remember how it happened. 

Have you ever met someone, only to one day realize you're best friends? You don't even remember how it happened, but somewhere along the way of laughing, having deep conversations, and making inside jokes, you become best friends.

That's what happened with the other YouTubers and me, except it was the opposite: one second -- we're best friends, the next -- we're strangers.

I suppose there were lots of moments that could be argued as The Moment Our Friendship Ended. Maybe it was when I forgot to respond to half of their texts congratulating me about  _ Blue Neighbourhood _ . Ditching Playlist Live is also definitely up there. But in my opinion, the real winner is probably when Connor and I broke up.

Before I dive in any further, I just want to say that I am not an asshole. I was so busy the day of the album's release that I could barely use my phone, and I was on tour during Playlist. 

See? Perfectly reasonable explanations.

But I guess one  _ could _ argue I have asshole moments. And I admit that I do. But you have to trust me when I say that I spend every waking moment regretting these moments. These moments are the reason I don't have the amazing group of friends I do. These moments are the reason I don't have a loving boyfriend anymore. These moments are the reason I spent a year of my life torturing myself, missing them.

I regret these moments so much. I regret them so much that I need to tell someone,  _ anyone _ . And that's what you're reading right now: the truth. The full truth. Not just some fan theories that seem like they could be true. This is the straight truth from the source.

So, here goes:

I cheated on Connor Franta.

_ Blue Neighbourhood _ was about Connor. All of it.

I'm pretty sure Taylor Swift hates me.

I was invited to Playlist Live and Vidcon, both of which I (rather rudely) declined.

My current boyfriend is a publicity stunt.

I did date Tyler Oakley.

Alessia Cara is the only one I can trust in the group of singers, songwriters, and actors I hang out with.

I don't talk to any of my YouTube friends anymore. 

Everything that I'm about to tell you is completely and utterly my fault.

Everyone wants to know the truth, and I don't blame them. How could a group of people who were so close get ripped apart so suddenly? 

The answer is: a 21 year old, stupid, naive, unintentional asshole, former YouTuber.

Also known as: "pop singing sensation" Troye Sivan; me.

As I said before, this is the brutal truth. I'm sorry in advance to anyone who will stop reading this because you come to hate me so much. I understand. I hate me, too.

But this needs to be said. 

So, without further ado, I present to you: what really happened.


	2. A Perfect Disaster

A lot of the theories I've seen fans come up with are pretty accurate. Sometimes they're so accurate that I have to check to make sure the person who posted it isn't anyone I know. One of the most accurate fan theories out there is that I cheated on Connor. 

(I told you I wasn’t going to sugarcoat anything.)

Of everything, I think this is where I should begin. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was the biggest mistake of my life. Every time I think back to it, I can’t help but to actually want to throw myself out a window or something. If mistakes were flames, this would be a wildfire, destroying everything beautiful.

Connor and I were in love. By the end of 2015, we had been dating for a year and a half. Neither of us had ever been in a more serious relationship, and neither of us could comprehend how perfectly dangerous it was.

The end of 2015 also saw the end of my first ever tour. Connor, who had spent a majority of the tour supporting me from backstage, was more than thrilled when I asked him to come home with me to Australia for the holidays. He was super close with my family, so it was perfect.

Blessing also joined us for a bit. The three of us had tons of fun together, although Blessing  _ did  _ third-wheel quite a bit. However, he didn’t mind. One day, when Connor had gotten up from his spot next to me on the couch to get a phone charger, Blessing grinned at me from across the room.

“What?” I asked, half laughing.

“You just seem so happy together,” he responded. “I love it.”

And he was right. We  _ were  _ happy. Personally, I  knew I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Between becoming an actual performing artist and having a fantastic group of friends, Connor was the absolute best thing that had happened to me through it all. If I had to trade everything else just to keep him, I would have gladly handed over the keys to my life. 

Needless to say, I was in pure bliss by the time New Year’s came around. My family had organized a party with all our other family and friends, and that’s where Connor and I spent our New Year’s. I had spent the entire party drinking and proudly showing Connor off. By the time the countdown started, we were both insanely drunk.

“Troye, come here,” Connor slurred with a sloppy smile. He reached forward and pulled me towards him as everyone around us began counting down from 10.

I grinned and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Hi,” I whispered.

“You look good tonight,” he mumbled as he placed gentle kisses along my jawline. The countdown had already reached 5.

“You’ve told me that like a hundred times already,” I giggled into his ear.

He pulled back to look into my eyes. “I know. I just can’t believe how lucky I am.”

Before I had the chance to respond, everyone around us yelled, “Happy New Year!”

Connor laughed as he stared at my lips. “Happy New Year, babe.”

I didn’t respond as I pulled him into a desperate kiss.

So that’s why I was so confused when I woke up the following morning next to someone completely different.

Alcohol does crazy things to you. I remember how wild Tyler would get when he was drunk. That New Years, I was the most drunk I ever had been. I still don’t remember how I had met him, how we got to the guest room, or how I had let any of it happen. 

Maybe I should rewind and tell this story as explicitly as possible. Even now, just thinking about it still confuses  _ me _ . I don’t expect any of you to understand it either.

  * Connor tells me to meet him in my room and goes inside.
  * I take a few more drinks of my beer and bump into someone.
  * Suddenly, I’m waking up on the bed in our guest room next to someone I have never seen before.
  * Seriously, who _is_ this guy???
  * No, really, who invited him???
  * (To this day I still have no idea who the guy who helped ruin my perfect relationship it.)



And that’s what happened. I cheated on Connor. The fan theories are pretty accurate, other than not mentioning that I have no idea who the guy I cheated on Connor with was. So, yeah, sorry to crush your dreams, but it wasn’t Jacob I cheated on Connor with -- he comes into this narrative later.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s get back to stupid Troye, laying in bed next to someone who wasn’t Connor.

Now, when I woke up, it didn’t take long for me to realize where I was and who I was (or, should I say  _ wasn’t _ ) with. What I didn’t know was how far I had gone with the guy, but I knew it was far enough to be bad.

As quickly and quietly as possible, I got out of bed without waking him up. I still thank God everyday that I never saw him again after that (except I  _ think  _ I never saw him again). I adjusted my shirt as if I was about to meet the queen, then slipped out of the room.

Out in the hallway, I was able to take a few moments to ask and answer the slew of questions that had arisen in my head.

Where’s Connor?

_ In your room, you idiot. _

Where  _ is _ everyone else?

_ Probably sleeping. _

What time is it?

_ Check your phone. _

What happened?

_ You tell me. _

Who was that guy?

_ Again, I still don’t know. _

Did anyone hear or see us?

_ We’ll find out in a few hours. _

What the hell have I done?

_ Ruined your relationship. _

I had to take a few breaths to hold in the tears that were threatening to spill over. After cursing myself more than a few times, I finally began to make my way to my room. The door was closed as I approached. I hesitated for a minute, then slowly opened the door and peered in. 

Connor was facing the door, curled up under the duvet. I smiled to myself as I watched him softly snore. Trying my best to stay as quiet as possible, I walked over to his side and bent down to give him a gentle kiss on the forehead. He stirred, and slowly opened his eyes. He stared up at me at me with a blank expression. My heart stopped as I waited to see his reaction. I hid my shock when a grin spread across his face. 

“Troye,” he said horsely. “There you are.”

I smiled and pushed his hair back. “Yeah.”

“Where were you?”

I hesitated, debating whether or not I should come clean now, later, or  _ ever _ . 

“Um, I guess I was so drunk I forgot where I was going.” I chuckled. “I woke up literally laying outside my door.”

He laughed. “It’s fine.” He reached up and ruffled my hair. “I just missed you.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” I moved to climb over him and to the empty side of the bed. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

He turned his head to look at me. “Good. I would ask for you to do that right now, but I can feel my hangover starting.”

I awed and quickly changed our position so that I was holding him to my chest, as we both fell back asleep.

I wish I could say I told him what happened the minute we woke up. But I didn’t.

I also wish I could say I told him what happened the day after. Or the week.

But I didn’t.

Lucky for me, no one had seen or heard me and the mystery man. Either that or they just chose not to say anything. By the time Connor and I had gotten out of bed and downstairs, everyone except my parents and siblings had left the house. I acted as if everything was normal, but inside I knew nothing was. 

The truth was weighing me down. Everywhere we went together, all I could think about was how much I was lying to him. How could I be so stupid?  _ How could I do this? _

It just became too much. About two weeks after the party, I finally decided I would tell Connor the truth. I knew it would ruin a lot, but I knew that I couldn’t keep lying to him. 

Before I continue on, I just want to take a moment to apologize. And sorry, but not to you, the reader. I need to apologize to Connor.

Connor, if you’re reading this, you probably are still really mad. I don’t blame you. I was so stupid. It really  _ was _ all my fault. I just want to apologize for putting you through this. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for cheating on you. I’m sorry I didn’t follow you into the house. I’m sorry I drank too much. I’m sorry I invited you to Australia for the holidays. I’m sorry I let my family get close to you. I’m sorry I brought you on tour with me. I’m sorry I wrote my entire album about you. I’m sorry I kissed you. I’m sorry I asked you out. I’m sorry I flirted with you. I’m sorry for replying to your tweet.

I’m sorry for falling in love with you.

I took Connor out to breakfast the day I decided to tell him. I decided to treat him to my absolute favorite breakfast place in Perth. Connor would not stop talking about a new video idea he had come up with, and I let him -- partly because I loved hearing him talk, and partly because I didn’t know what to say.

By the time we had been sat down in a booth and ordered, he had finished telling me all about his idea. He took this moment to look up and study my face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “You haven’t spoken like at all today.”

I just sheepishly smiled. “Uh, yeah. There’s something I need to tell you.” I didn’t even realize my voice was shaking.

His face immediately dropped, along with my heart. 

“What’s wrong, babe?” He reached out and placed his over mine rested on my coffee cup.

I stared down at our hands. I thought about all the times I had intertwined them together. Was I really about to throw all those moments away? I could just refuse to tell him, make something else up. He would never know. It could just be my secret.

But I knew that wasn’t right. A relationship should be built on trust, and whether he knew it or not,  _ I  _ knew that I was deceiving him. And I couldn’t do that to him. Especially not Connor. 

I took a breath and looked up at him finally. “Connor, I cheated on you.”


End file.
